Nocturne
by L8nightwriter
Summary: This is a story with dark subject matter, read the first few lines and then decide if you want to continue. Rating it T for content. Cuddy gets an intriguing clinic patient.
1. Past and Present

_**A/N:**__ This story will contain talk of self mutilation and other various dark subject matter. __This is not a story for people who want a happy ending__. The main characters may seem 'out of character' at times as well. If you do decide to continue, please leave a review for me. I would like to know if you liked the way this story was written and is turning out. This is the first story I have ever written that contains this kind of content and I need to know if you like it, hate it, or are ambiguous._

**Disclaimer:** The poem and idea are mine, nothing else…sadly.

* * *

_*She strips her clothes off _

_Blood drips on the floor_

_It stings but it feels better_

_How many times now?_

_Who knows, she's lost count_

_She listened to the water of the shower without getting in_

_She imagines blood pouring down like little raindrops on her face_

_It's so pretty, red hope_

_She draws her finger over the cut_

_Tiny droplets of blood welling up to greet her_

_She touches her finger to her tongue and thinks_

_"Is this what life tastes like?"_

_Sweet, salty, tangy, metallic, bitter_

_The pain begins to dull into the numb drumming that signals the blood is slowing_

_"Deeper next time, more pain, more blood"_

_She thinks this every time but can't bring herself to do it_

_She's waiting_

_Waiting for a sign?_

_Waiting for help_

_Help to stop or to go deeper_

_She doesn't know_

_It doesn't matter_

_Either way it will be over soon_

_She steps into the shower_

_The water washes away the traces of her crimson memories_

_She watches them go down the drain_

_She wishes she could follow*

* * *

  
_

She sat there in the cold, white, void of a room on the stiff, crunching paper and hard examination table. Images from her last experience with a hospital ran through her mind.

*_He had a low grade temperature when she first called the doctor. He had told her to give him a small dose of baby Tylenol, and give him a cool bath every couple of hours. When the fever still hadn't gone away and he started to vomit, she had called the doctor again. He had told her to bring him in the following morning and he would look at him. The next afternoon they were finally seen by the doctor. The doctor looked him over and decided that it was probably just a small bug. He had taken blood to be sent off to the lab, and given her a small dose of liquid antibiotics to put in his bottle. That night she woke up to his constant crying. She found him in his crib, much warmer now. He wouldn't take a bottle and nothing she did seemed to help. That's when she got in the car and took him to the ER. By the time she got there he had stopped crying, he was asleep, and she couldn't wake him. The doctors had taken him away quickly, telling her to wait for them. By the following day everything, would be done and over with.*_

That's when there was a knock on the door and it opened, the doctor coming in. "Hello Genny, I'm Dr. Cuddy." she said, closing the door behind her and looking up. The expression on her face went from warm and friendly to surprised and puzzled instantly.

* * *

When Lisa Cuddy had been trying to get pregnant two years ago she had also been doing something else. Something else that she was glad, at the time, that House hadn't found out about. She had been looking for her daughter. She would have been twenty one then, and Cuddy could finally, legally, look for her. She had always wondered how everything was turning out for her, who she had become.

She had just turned nineteen when her daughter was born. She had wanted nothing more than to keep her, but she had known that she could have never provided the kind of life she wanted for her child. So she had picked out a nice couple from a book, and twenty four hours after she had been born, Lisa had signed the papers relinquishing all of her rights as her daughters mother.

It had been a closed adoption, and though Lisa knew she wouldn't be able to see her child, or know what was going on with her, she knew it was for the best. The parents had agreed to tell her that she was adopted, and that when she was twenty one she could look into it if she wanted. That was all Lisa could do to make sure that her baby would have a good life and be loved.

Now, back when Cuddy had first started looking for this girl, she hadn't known if the girl would want to know her. How she would react to her, what kind of thoughts she had, if she even cared. One thing Cuddy hadn't counted on was the one thing that had happened. She couldn't find her, something had happened and no one knew where her child was. She couldn't believe something like this could happen, and especially to her child.

She had been told that her daughter's name had been Genevieve Marie Strholm. Her adoptive parents, Ben and Sarah, had died in an accident when she was twelve. Genevieve had been put into foster care, and bounced around from home to home for over four years. Then, when she was sixteen, she had run a way. Even though it was reported early and all the proper steps were taken, Genevieve had never been found.

Cuddy had then tried to do anything she could to possibly find her, or find out what happened. Still, none of her actions brought any avail and she had finally let it go. Until about five or six months ago. She and Greg, she never called him House when they were talking about personal stuff, had started to become close. After the adoption had fallen through, Greg had been there for her, as surprising as that was.

He had stayed with her that first night, just holding her. Nights after that he would come over with dinner and they would eat together. Sitting on her couch with his arms wrapped around her, watching television and not saying anything. Finally a couple of weeks passed and one night as Greg was walking her to bed, she asked him to stay. He had looked hesitant at first, but he was still House, and decided to listen to her.

After the first week of this new agreement, or arrangement, or whatever they had going on, Greg woke her up at three in the morning one night. It was cold and he pulled the covers up over her still naked body. She had rolled over and placed her head on his bare chest, taking in his warmth.

"Lisa, are you happy?" he had asked.

"Sure." she had said, still half asleep.

"Maybe right now, but what about in a few months?" he asked.

Lisa looked up at his face at this question. She didn't know what to think, both Greg and House never talked like this.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"I want to make you happy, I want to help you have a baby." he said, strongly stating it.

"What? What about you?" she asked.

"I don't know if I'll ever be happy, I'm content right now, but I wouldn't mind having a baby with you, especially if it makes it you happy." he said.

"Greg, I don't know if I can…" she said, being cut off by his lips on hers.

"We can try, and there are other ways. Besides, we're already doing the fun part." he said, smirking.

She sat up, wanting to be able to look him in the eye, and told him everything. He knew that she had tried before, but he didn't know everything. He also didn't know about the daughter she had and lost. She took this time to disclose everything, and take in his reactions, and his question. She had told him to think about what he wanted, and everything she had told him, then talk to her again.

It was a few days later when he showed up on her doorstep with a bag full of 'trying-to-have-a baby-things' as he put it.

After the first two weeks of trying, she hadn't been surprised when her period was late. She had only been off the pill for a short time and her hormones were trying to get back to normal again. Still, Greg had insisted that she take the test anyway. She had gone in the bathroom and peed on the stick, like she had so many times before. What she was surprised at was the fact that the test had come out positive. Somehow Greg hadn't been surprised in the least though. When she had come out of her bathroom, he had been sitting on the bed with two decked out bowls of ice cream and a huge smile on his face.

That had been around four months ago, and since then everything had been sorted out with the hospital board, and everyone else. She hadn't told them about being pregnant until she started to show at just about three months. This had given her time to plan how she was going to tell everyone that she and Greg were having a child. She was feeling good again, now that the slight morning sickness was completely gone.

She had just put on her lab coat and gone to the clinic desk. She picked up a file for room three and looked at it while walking there. It was for a Genny M. Gracen, 25, complaining of a broken toe and foot lac. She opened the door and went in.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Cuddy." she said, closing the door and then looking up at the girl.

* * *

**Departing Note:** I know what I said in my authors note…and right now it doesn't seem like this is a very dark story, but trust me…it is coming. Please let me know if there is an interest in this kind of genre. Thank you for taking a chance on me (no pun intended) and reading, truly.


	2. First Impressions

_**A/N:**__ This story will contain talk of self mutilation and other various dark subject matter. __This is not a story for people who want a happy ending__. The main characters may seem 'out of character' at times as well. If you do decide to continue, please leave a review for me. I would like to know if you liked the way this story was written and is turning out. This is the first story I have ever written that contains this kind of content and I need to know if you like it, hate it, or are ambiguous._

**Disclaimer:** The idea is mine, nothing else…sadly.

* * *

Her heart just about jumped out of her chest at seeing her. She was about five eight, lean and slender. Her hair was long and dark, and quite curly in a way that made you think she had just come from a salon. Her eyes were a deep and stunning misty blue, almost like looking into a sparkling sapphire. Her skin was pale, and you could tell that she didn't stay in the sun much. And even though it was colder in the room, her cheeks and lips had a light pink tinge.

Cuddy quickly recovered herself and looked back at the chart, sitting down on the stool.

"So, um…Genny, it says on your chart that you think you have broken your toe and that you have a laceration." said Cuddy.

"No, I know that I broke my toe and yes, I do have a cut." said Genny.

"Well, let's take a look." said Cuddy.

"I'm worried that the cut might be getting infected. I'm not really worried about the toe much." said Genny, taking off her slip-on flats.

Cuddy saw that her little toe was taped together with the next toe and there was a gauze bandage on the side of her foot.

"It looks like you've already been to a doctor about your toe." said Cuddy, taking Genny's foot.

"No, I deal with toe problems all the time." said Genny.

"You break toes often? How do you do that?" asked Cuddy, taking the bandage off.

"I don't personally break toes often. I just deal with a lot of foot injuries, some mine, some others. I teach ballet and compete in professional Latin ballroom dance." said Genny, looking at the cut on her foot as Dr. Cuddy inspected it.

"Oh, so how did this happen?" asked Cuddy.

"The toe broke when I landed wrong almost a week ago. I also teach a yoga class in the park once a week. The cut happened when my foot left the matt. There was an old bottle cap in the grass and I stepped on it just right so that it sliced the side of my foot." said Genny.

"Did you get a tetanus shot?" asked Cuddy, letting go of Genny's foot.

"I already had my tetanus, but I did get a booster. I try to keep the cut clean and make sure it's dressed well, but it's hard. Dancing, my feet get gross and I'm constantly in different shoes." said Genny.

"I understand, but you really should be keeping off your feet for a week or two to let your toe heal." said Cuddy, getting supplies to clean and bandage the cut.

"I can't do that, dancing is my job and I'm used to the pain." said Genny.

Cuddy sat back down on the stool and began to clean the wound.

"It does look like the cut might be getting infected. I'm going to clean it and put a new bandage on. I want you to clean this cut and bandage it with clean gauze twice a day if you've been dancing. I'm also going to take some blood. I want to make sure that the infection hasn't spread to your blood. A blood infection…" said Cuddy, being cut off.

"I know about blood infections. Look, I just came here to get my foot checked out and maybe some antibiotics, not a lecture." said Genny.

Cuddy finished with Genny's foot and let her put her shoe back on. While she wrote in her chart.

"Alright, now I'd like to get the blood sample." said Cuddy.

Genny didn't speak, she just held out her right arm and rolled up the sleeve. Cuddy came over and tied the tourniquet around her arm, looking for a good vein. She noticed some old scars on Genny's forearm.

"What happened here?" she asked.

"It's nothing, happened a long time ago." said Genny, obviously not want to talk about them.

Cuddy found a vein and stuck the needle in, but the vein didn't give any blood. She was either against a valve or the needle was too big for the vein. She moved the needle around a bit, trying to get a flow.

"Sorry." said Cuddy.

"It's fine." said Genny, watching the whole time.

After a minute and still no blood return Cuddy withdrew the needle and released the tourniquet.

"I'm going to get a smaller needle and try the other arm." said Cuddy.

"Really, it's alright if you stay on my right arm, I'm left handed any way." said Genny.

Cuddy fumbled for a moment with the tube she held when she heard this. She turned back to Genny and smiled.

"It's really better to try the other arm first." said Cuddy, pulling up the stool again.

"Fine." said Genny, rolling her sleeve up.

Cuddy saw a fresh bandage on her forearm in about the same place the other scars had been. She found a vein and stuck the needle in, getting a blood return almost immediately.

"What happened here?" asked Cuddy.

"I burned my arm on the oven rack." said Genny.

"Do you want me to take a look at it?" asked Cuddy.

"No, it's fine." said Genny.

Cuddy took the needle out and placed a cotton ball and tape over the tiny hole. She turned around, taking the two vials of blood, and went to the counter, washing her hands.

"Genny, the scars on your other arm are in almost the same place and they look deliberate." said Cuddy.

"Don't…just don't okay. You don't know me, you don't know what I've been through. I hate doctors, you never listen to people, never take them seriously. It's just the same as when Leo was sick, screw this!" said Genny, jumping off the table and walking out the door.

"Genny, wait…" said Cuddy, hanging out the door after her.

Genny just walked out of the clinic and then out of the hospital. Cuddy walked slowly back to the counter where Genny's chart was and looked it over again. She looked for her birthday specifically, May 12, 1984. Cuddy could have believed that it was just a coincidence that a young woman who looked so familiar and had the same birthday as her daughter, only two years earlier, but she didn't. Something in her made her want to find out if Genny had lied about her age and who she was.

She picked up the chart and blood and took them out to the nurses desk, keeping the chart and sending the blood to the lab for the standard tests. At least she had a reason to call Genny and try to get her to come back. She was going to give her a prescription for an antibiotic, but she had left. Cuddy could call her and ask that she come back in to pick up the script and hopefully try to talk to her more.

* * *

**Departing Note:** I know what I said in my authors note…and right now it doesn't seem like this is a very dark story, but trust me…it is coming. Please let me know if there is an interest in this kind of genre. Thank you for taking a chance on me (no pun intended) and reading, truly.


	3. The Dances

_**A/N:** This story will contain talk of self mutilation and other various dark subject matter. This is not a story for people who want a happy ending. The main characters may seem 'out of character' at times as well. If you do decide to continue, please leave a review for me. I would like to know if you liked the way this story was written and is turning out. This is the first story I have ever written that contains this kind of content and I need to know if you like it, hate it, or are ambiguous._

_**Disclaimer:**__ The poem and idea are mine, nothing else…sadly.

* * *

  
_

It had been almost a week since Cuddy had first seen Genny M. Gracen. Cuddy had tried calling her, many times, but all she ever got was a message-less machine. Cuddy had found that the only thing that Genny had left to get in touch with her was that phone number. After the first two days, Cuddy started looking for an address, or anything that could help her find Genny. As it turned out, she really did need the antibiotics and she could get very sick if she didn't get them soon.

The next morning she thought back to everything that they had talked about six days ago and figured out that she was probably listed under dance. Cuddy got the phone book and looked under dance, finding dozens of entries. After about twenty minutes of going page by page she found what she was looking for, Gracen Lines: Dance Studio. The address was for a building not to far away.

Cuddy walked up to the building the address had implied and stood at the doors a moment. She was nearly run over when five or six little girls came running out. They were wearing little black leotards and were followed by five older women. She smiled at them as they passed and went in. Walking up the flight of stairs she could hear soft music playing as she came to a landing. The large double doors were open and there was another older woman standing in the door way.

Cuddy stood off to the side of her and looked in the room. Genny was there in a long, flowing black dress that looked like it was made out of the same material as the leotards. She had her hair pulled back in the tight bun that was accustomed to ballerinas. She was helping a small girl with foot placement and smiling at her. She looked happy as the little girl smiled back and ran off to get her bag. Cuddy backed out of the door way so Genny wouldn't see her as the mom turned around.

"Oh, sorry! Good idea getting an early start on enrollment, she's one of the best." said the mother to Cuddy as the little girl dragged her away.

Cuddy just smiled at them and watched as they went down the stairs. She only turned back to the room when she heard the music change. It was no longer the soft happy music, Cuddy recognized it as Chopin's Nocturne in C sharp minor. Genny began to dance, moving her body to the music. It was like she was telling the story of the music with her movements. The delicate leaps and graceful bends, the perfectly precise foot placement, mesmerizing pirouettes and statuesque poses. Her emotions played out on her face what her body couldn't convey, a few tears slipping from her cheeks.

As the music came to a close and Genny took her final pose, Cuddy realized there was someone coming up the stairs. She looked back into the room seeing Genny move over to the cabinet where the music was stationed. Cuddy decided to make her move before another class started and walked into the room.

"Give me a minute Jaime, I'm putting the music in and then I have to change shoes." said Genny, not turning around.

"Genny." said Cuddy, walking in a little further.

"Oh, sorry!" said Genny brightly, turning around to see Cuddy.

As soon as she saw who had called her name the smile left her face, being replaced by a blank stare.

"Oh, it's you." she said, turning around and heading for the wall lined with chairs where her foot wear was.

"Genny, we really need to talk." said Cuddy, following her to the chairs.

"Look, Dr. Cuddy, I don't know why you decided to come out here. My foot is doing much better and the cut is healing fine." said Genny, unlacing her ballet slippers and taking them off.

Cuddy sat down in a chair beside Genny and watched her work on the shoes. She was replacing the soft slippers with black, three inch, stiletto heels.

"Look, even if the cut is getting better, your lab work showed you had an infection." said Cuddy.

"I know." said Genny, not even bothering to look up.

"Genevieve?" came a male voice in the room.

Cuddy looked up and was startled to find a tall, lean, but nicely muscled man standing in the center of the room. He was wearing a white tank top and tight black pants with shiny dance shoes. His hair was a mixture of light brown with a few lighter blonde highlights on the short tips. His skin was the color of café leche and looked as smooth as any woman's. It seemed as if everything about this man had been designed to highlight his beautiful light green eyes. They reminded her of sea foam that had turned green from the algae, that same light and soft color.

"Hey Jaime, give me just me a minute and then we'll get started." said Genny, looking up at him with a smile.

"Alright." said Jaime, in a faint Latin accent.

"What do you mean you know?" asked Cuddy, returning her thoughts to Genny and not the insanely attractive man practicing sexy dance moves in front of her.

"I came back a day later and got the antibiotics." said Genny, strapping on her shoes.

"How did I not know about this?" asked Cuddy.

"I don't know, but I have to practice now." said Genny, standing up.

"But…" said Cuddy, staring up at her.

"Look, you are welcome to sit here and wait until I'm done. That's all I can do for you right now." said Genny, turning around and walking to the music cabinet.

Cuddy just stared blankly at her as she turned the music on and met Jaime in the middle of the floor. It was like her brain wouldn't turn on, she couldn't think of anything to do but sit there and wait.

Cuddy took her coat off after she had decided to stay and placed it in her lap along with her purse. She sat there and watched as Genny and Jaime danced what she realized to be a Tango. They carefully and meticulously went over the correct location of every single body part depending on the timing of the music and where their partner was. It was a methodical and grueling process. It seemed like every single centimeter of movement had been thought out and planned.

Watching this exchange of ideas and body language was a strange thing. It didn't look the least like dancing to Cuddy. It looked like two mechanical robots trying to dance while watching themselves in the mirrors that plastered the walls. The music kept stopping and starting and Cuddy finally gave up on trying to figure out where exactly they were after twenty minutes.

She had been watching the two 'dance' for over an hour when she realized that they had finally stopped. The music was off and they were just talking now. She dragged her brain back into consciousness and listened to them for a moment. They were talking about everything they had just gone over. They eventually decided to run through the entire number once and then take a break.

This time when Genny started the music up Cuddy was paying attention to the two dancers. As they began to sway and convey the emotion of the music Cuddy began to feel a but flushed. The passion and desire, the fury and the sorrow, the lust and longing displayed on their faces as they seemingly effortlessly glided across the wooden floor. They were all over, in each others arms one moment, looking like they were about to make love, the next feet apart with rage and grief almost seeping from their pours.

Cuddy was transfixed on the two of them and hardly realized that the song was over and they had stopped dancing. Moving so that she was sitting up more straight in her chair, she quietly tried to clear her mind and face of her thoughts, feeling the hotness of her cheeks. She watched as Jaime and Genny said a few words and then Jaime walked to the opposite side of the room. He sat down and started taking his shoes off, taking sneakers out of his bag.

"You're still here?" asked Genny, coming to sit on the chair by Cuddy again.

"I told you I wanted to talk to you." said Cuddy.

"And I thought I made it clear that I didn't want to talk to you the first time we met?" asked Genny, removing her heels and slipping her feet into the black flats.

"Look, I took the time to look you up, come out here, and sit here waiting for you." said Cuddy.

"I'm really touched, and a little disturbed, that you would take such an interest in me, but I got what I needed four days ago. If there was something else you needed to tell me you could have left it in a message with your twenty others. Beyond that, anything else you need is your problem, not mine." said Genny, standing up.

"After everything I've done, the least you could do for me is give me five minutes of your time. After all, you've taken up nearly two full days of mine." said Cuddy.

"Like I said, that's your problem, not mine." said Genny, reaching down to pick up her water bottle.

"Please, just a few minutes." said Cuddy, standing up quickly.

The change from being seated for so long to rising suddenly didn't agree well with Cuddy and she almost immediately felt dizzy. She quickly sat back down, closing her eyes and leaning forward to try and quell the feeling.

Genny was suddenly squatting in front of Cuddy with a look of concern on her face and a hand on Cuddy's knee.

"Dr. Cuddy, are you alright?" she asked.

"Yeah, I just need a minute." said Cuddy, taking deep and slow breaths.

"Is something wrong?" asked Genny.

"It's probably just low blood sugar and BP. I guess I shouldn't have skipped breakfast, they say you shouldn't do that when your pregnant, right?" she joked, starting to feel a bit better.

"Oh Jesus Christ! Of course…ok, are you feeling better?" asked Genny, not sounding quite as sympathetic and more annoyed.

"Yeah, I think so." said Cuddy, opening her eyes again.

She found a pair of annoyed, yet still worried, bright blue ones staring straight back at her.

"Alright, you wanted five minutes…it looks like your getting a whole lunch out of me, come on." said Genny, effortlessly standing up from squatting for nearly five minutes.

She held out her hand to Cuddy and Cuddy just looked at her for a moment.

"Well, come on. Either get up, slowly, and come with me or I'm gonna let you sit here staring at the floor until you rot. It's your choice." said Genny, shaking her hand slightly.

Cuddy took her hand and slowly stood up, placing her coat and purse over her arm. Genny reached back down for her heels and picked them up before slowly walking Cuddy out the double doors. Before leaving the landing she turned around and pulled the doors shut, taking a key from a small hidden pocket in her dress and locking the doors. Genny put the key back in the pocket and started off around the stairs on the landing.

"Where are you going?" asked Cuddy.

"We're going up to my apartment for lunch." said Genny, waving a hand at the small elevator hiding behind the second set of stairs.

"Oh." said Cuddy.

"Yeah, come on." said Genny, again not waiting for Cuddy.

They rode up to the fourth floor and got off in a small entry way with a sliding door. Genny walked up to the door and pushed it aside easily, revealing a multi level studio apartment.

"Welcome to Chez Genevieve." said Genny, walking in after Cuddy and sliding the door shut again.

"Wow, it's nice." said Cuddy, surprised at how tidy and modern the apartment was.

"Yeah, come on." said Genny.

Genny dropped her shoes by the door and led Cuddy into the surprisingly large kitchen. She dumped her water bottle out and placed it in the sink, starting to wash it.

"Have a seat." she said, motioning to the stools at the island counter the sink was attached to.

"So, how much does an apartment and studio like this run you?" asked Cuddy, trying to get Genny to talk.

"Only the upkeep, I own the building." Genny said simply.

"Really, you own the building?" asked Cuddy.

"Yeah, so I hope you don't mind crimini, shiitake, and garlic pasta with a chanterelle salad." said Genny, putting the bottle and top on a towel to dry, then moving around the kitchen gathering the ingredients and utensils.

"That sounds great, so who is Leo?" asked Cuddy, deciding to be blunt since easing into it obviously wasn't working.

"Sorry, who?" asked Genny, clearly pretending not to know.

"When you came into the clinic, the first time, you said something about not liking doctors and how it was the same when Leo was sick." said Cuddy.

"Oh, well, the doctor I saw when I came back didn't bother me at all. I actually kind of liked him, his style or what ever." said Genny, changing the subject and handing a glass of orange juice to Cuddy.

Cuddy decided that she would go along with the change for a while, ease Genny into the answering questions phase. At least she was talking now…the blunt approach had worked.

"Really, what doctor was this?" asked Cuddy, drinking the juice.

"I think he said his name was Dr. McFeelygoodin, but the signature on the script he gave me said Dr. House. I'll trust that the latter is correct, because while a name like Dr. McFeelygoodin would be extremely hilarious and cool, it would be an enormous pain in the ass to sign." said Genny, placing the pots on the stove and turning the heat on.

"You would be correct about it being Dr. House you saw. It would also make sense why I hadn't heard about you coming back." said Cuddy.

"Well, as doctors go, no offense to you, he's the only one I've liked in while. Even if he doesn't do his charting, you should keep him around." said Genny, working on the salad now.

"It wouldn't look so good if I fired his or her father…wait, how do you know about charting?" asked Cuddy, finishing the orange juice.

"My parents were doctors." said Genny, stirring the pasta.

"You don't like your parents?" asked Cuddy.

"No, they were great, they're dead." stated Genny, going back to the salad.

"Oh, I'm sorry." said Cuddy, having already suspected this answer.

"It's fine, it was a while ago." said Genny.

A silence fell over them as Cuddy thought of what to say next, but before her brain had time to work something out, her bladder butted in.

"Right, so where's the bathroom?" she asked, taking the directions Genny gave her.

When Cuddy came back to the kitchen Genny was putting the pots in the sink and running hot water over them. She had plated the salads and the pasta, set out silverware, and poured both water and milk for both of them. Cuddy sat back down at her original seat as Genny came around the island and sat next to her.

"This looks and smells wonderful, thank you." said Cuddy.

"Thank you." said Genny, taking a bite of her salad.

Cuddy took this as her moment to be blunt again and find out some more about Genny.

"So who was Leo again?" asked Cuddy, taking a bite of the pasta.

Genny didn't answer for a moment as she chewed slowly, thinking about how to answer.

"Leo's my son." she finally said, glancing quickly at Cuddy.

"I didn't realize you had a child. Your place is so…well, clean, and -" said Cuddy, being cut off.

"He's not here anymore." said Genny, not looking at Cuddy and taking a bite of pasta.

"Oh, is he with his father?" asked Cuddy.

"No, and why are you asking me about him?" asked Genny, finally looking at Cuddy.

"I just…I had a child once, a daughter, when I was around nineteen. I placed her up for adoption, I thought it was the best thing for her…at the time." said Cuddy, taking another bite.

"I see, well, I kept my son. I was seventeen and alone when I had him, but I made it work. I didn't make the mistake of abandoning him." said Genny.

"That's not what I was saying, I was just wondering where he was." said Cuddy.

"Why do you want to know so badly?" asked Genny, putting her fork down and looking at Cuddy.

"I don't know…I just, do." said Cuddy, not able to think of a good reason.

"He's not here because he's dead. I think this needs some parmesan." said Genny, jumping up from her seat and going to the refrigerator.

"Oh, god, Genny…I'm so sorry." said Cuddy, not knowing what else to say.

"Yeah, me too, do you want cheese?" Genny asked, grating parmesan on her pasta and salad.

"How long ago…" Cuddy halfway asked.

"About four years, are you sure you don't want any cheese? I'll just leave it out, in case you change your mind." said Genny, sitting back down in her seat and taking a large bite of the pasta.

"What…what happened?" asked Cuddy carefully.

"Look, I don't want to talk about this, okay." said Genny, getting up and putting the cheese away now.

"Genny, if you for any reason are hurting yourself in any way because of how you feel about this…" said Cuddy, not able to finish her thought.

"Ok, you need to leave now. I'm sooo glad we had this little lunch powwow, but I have another class to teach in an hour and I need to clean this up before." said Genny, almost pushing Cuddy through the apartment.

Genny slid the door open and half way shoved Cuddy out.

"So, yeah, I'm all better and thanks for stoppin' by and all, don't do it again." said Genny, sliding the heavy door closed and locking it.

* * *

**Departing Note:** Ok, you are starting to get a glance at the darker side of the story, but there is even more to come…I promise. Please let me know if there is an interest in this kind of genre. Thank you for taking a chance on me (no pun intended) and reading, truly.


	4. Answers

_**A/N:**__ This story will contain talk of self mutilation and other various dark subject matter. __This is not a story for people who want a happy ending__. The main characters may seem 'out of character' at times as well. If you do decide to continue, please leave a review for me. I would like to know if you liked the way this story was written and is turning out. This is the first story I have ever written that contains this kind of content and I need to know if you like it, hate it, or are ambiguous._

**Disclaimer:** The idea is mine, nothing else…sadly.

* * *

Cuddy was still in shock as she stood staring at the door that had just been literally slammed shut in her face. As her brain caught up to her body, she decided she should probably go back to the hospital. She wanted to see if she could find some kind of help for Genny. As she was driving back, Cuddy did the math in her head. The answers Genny had given would make her twenty two today, not twenty five. She was almost certain she had found her daughter, and was determined to help Genny, even if it turned out she wasn't. She would have to wait until Genny would talk to her again to get consent for a DNA test, and to explain why she wanted the test in the first place, and that could be a long time. Still, she felt compelled to help this poor girl, no matter who she was.

As she pulled back into her spot at the hospital her pager went off. She shut the car off and looked at the page, it was Greg, not House, paging her. She was glad he wanted to see her right now, because she was going to need House's help with Genny and she needed to be able to talk to Greg about this. So she threw her pager in her purse, grabbed it, and headed for her office, knowing that's where he'd paged her from.

Cuddy walked into her office and found House sitting in her chair.

"I need to talk with you." said Cuddy, hanging up her coat and going to sit on her desk in front of House.

"Really? Because I need to talk to you too, hence the page." said House.

"Right, I figured. First I have a question for you." said Cuddy.

"Shoot." said House.

"Why didn't you tell me that you had seen Genny and given her antibiotics?" asked Cuddy.

"I had my reasons, that's why I paged you." said House.

"Wait, you actually remembered a patient by name, how is this possible?" asked Cuddy.

"I remember who she is because she's your kid." said House.

"How…you could tell just…I don't know anything for sure." said Cuddy.

"I do." said House, holding up a sheet of paper.

"What…you…" said Cuddy, taking the paper from House and looking at it.

"As soon as I saw her I knew. After she left I called the lab and ordered the test. It's one hundred percent positive that you are her mother." said House.

Cuddy couldn't say anything, just stare at the paper in her hand with her other hand over her mouth. One tear rolled down her cheek and hit the paper, leaving an opaque spot. Another soon followed it, following the same trail.

"Lisa." said Greg, placing a hand on her knee.

She had assumed that Genny was her daughter, and she knew that Genny needed help, but actually seeing it on the paper. Having proof that this was really her child that was having such problems, it just made it all the more real. This just furthered her feeling that she needed to help Genny.

"Ya." said Cuddy, putting the paper down on her desk and wiping away the moisture on her face.

"You alright?" asked House, not understanding all of the reasons Cuddy was crying.

"I will be, Genny's what I wanted to talk to you about. I went to see her today." said Cuddy.

* * *

The next hour was spent on the couch in Cuddy's office, Lisa and Greg talking. She told him about the scars she had seen on Genny's arms, and her visit to her studio and apartment. Lisa did most of the talking and Greg just listened, as she poured her heart and brain out. At the end of the talk they came up with a short term plan to start helping Genny.

The plan began with Cuddy getting all of Genny and Leo's medical records, and House putting in a call to a couple of doctors that owed him a favor.

It took almost a week to track down all of the medical files, but once Cuddy had them, she read them in a matter of hours.

Cuddy decided to start with the files from when Genny became Gracen, instead of Strholm.

The first one she looked at was from when Genny was sixteen, it said eighteen on the chart. Genny had obviously planned to get away from the family she was with because she had gone straight to the clinic in Michigan and had the false papers for her benefit already.

She had told the doctor that had seen her that she had been raped repeatedly for several months. She had said that she didn't want to press charges, she just wanted to have an HIV and STD test and put it all behind her. When the lab had run her tests, they had done a standard pregnancy test along with them, it had come back positive.

Cuddy went through all of the prenatal check ups and the birth records, finding out that everything had gone quite smoothly. She even found a copy of Leo's birth certificate. Leopold Nathaniel Gracen had been born at six twelve in the morning on March thirteenth, 2003 at Mercy General Hospital. He had weighed six pounds, five ounces, and was twenty two inches long. He had also apparently been born with a small amount of straight black hair.

She read through his description a few times before moving on. She had all of his well-baby check ups and everything from Genny's postnatal appointments. As she was going along, everything seemed to look good, she might even say great. That was until she came to a file from January 2004. It had been started on the fifteenth with Leo seeing a pediatrician. He had had a fever of one hundred point two for the past thirty six hours and had been vomiting when he ate for nearly nine. The doctor had diagnosed Leo with a small bug and given Genny a low, one dose antibiotic to be given to Leo.

The next page came from the Mercy General Emergency Room. It stated that on January sixteenth, at three thirty am, Leo had been brought in. He had been in a coma and was running a fever of one hundred and four. The had done everything they could, but nearly two and half hours after his arrival he had gone into cardiac arrest. His time of death had been called as January sixteenth, 2004, at six thirteen in the morning. He had been exactly ten months and three days old.

The lab reports on Leo had come in a few hours later. They had indicated that he had contracted a rare blood infection even with his immunizations. He had gone septic and all of his major organs had shut down, one by one. If the first doctor had done his job properly and written Genny off as some young, first time mother with the jitters, Leo would probably still be alive. Cuddy could now understand Genny's hatred of doctors and didn't blame her one bit for being wary.

Cuddy closed the file and laid it on her desk with the others. She couldn't help the tears that were streaming down her cheeks now. She sat back in her chair and placed her hands protectively over her growing stomach, rubbing small circles there. She didn't know how long she had been sitting there with her eyes closed, but when her phone rang she was startled. She took a deep breath, calming her pounding heart, and leaned forward, picking up the phone.

"Yes." she said.

"Dr. Cuddy, there's a man who says his name is Jaime on the phone for you." said the nurse.

"Um, okay." said Cuddy, wondering who was calling.

"Hello, is this Dr. Cuddy?" came a deep voice.

As soon as Cuddy heard his voice she remembered who Jaime was. Genny's dance partner from the studio, the highly attractive one. She wondered why he would be calling her.

"Yes, this is Dr. Cuddy, how did you know who I was?" asked Cuddy.

"Genevieve mentioned your name a few times the day you came to the studio." said Jaime.

"Oh, is there something I can help you with?" asked Cuddy.

"Yes, I was wondering if you knew anything about Genevieve.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about." said Cuddy.

"Well, she canceled her classes yesterday and we were supposed to practice today. She never showed up and when I went to her apartment she didn't answer. I was just wondering if she was okay." said Jaime.

"Well, I haven't seen her since the day I came by, but thank you for calling. I'll try and get in touch with her." said Cuddy.

"Thank you Dr. Cuddy, if you find anything out, please let me know." said Jaime, hanging up.

Cuddy placed the phone back into the cradle and hit the speaker phone button, quickly dialing House's pager and leaving him a message to call her.

As she was grabbing her coat and purse her phone rang and she picked it up.

"What's up?" asked House.

"It's Genny, something is wrong. I'm going to her apartment." said Cuddy.

"I'll drive." said House, hanging up.

* * *

**Departing Note:** Ok, the next chapter is coming. It might be the last chapter as well, I don't know yet. Please let me know if there is an interest in this kind of genre. Thank you for taking a chance on me (no pun intended) and reading, truly.


	5. Reverie

_**A/N:**__ This story will contain talk of self mutilation and other various dark subject matter. __This is not a story for people who want a happy ending__. The main characters may seem 'out of character' at times as well. If you do decide to continue, please leave a review for me. I would like to know if you liked the way this story was written and is turning out. This is the first story I have ever written that contains this kind of content and I need to know if you like it, hate it, or are ambiguous._

**Disclaimer:** The idea is mine, nothing else…sadly.

* * *

Cuddy had given House the address and directed his driving the whole way there. Usually he would have made snide remarks about her passenger seat driving, but he knew she was worried. He also knew that she had reason to be worried, and just stayed quiet, letting her direct him. He pulled up to the building and they got out, going up to the fourth floor.

As they came to a stop, and started whispering about what to do, outside Genny's large sliding door they hear strange noises. They stopped whispering to each other and listened more closely. When they didn't hear anything, House spoke up, leaning towards the door.

"Genny, it's Dr. House, you may remember me better as Dr. McFeelygoodin!" he yelled at the door.

They didn't hear anything for a few seconds, then they heard a loud crash and what sounded like breaking glass. House quickly pulled on the door, finding that it was unlocked. They didn't have to look far to find Genny, she was lying face up on the living room floor. The glass pane from the coffee table was in pieces and an almost empty vodka bottle was lying in them.

Genny was lying in the glass and her left arm was covered in blood. It looked like she had fallen on the table and used her arm to break the fall, but the glass had broken and sliced through her fragile skin.

"Shit!" said House, quickly limping over to Genny.

He grabbed her right arm and dragged her away from the glass shards. He then removed his coat and jacket, kneeling down beside Genny. He reached across her chest and picked up her left arm, examining it.

"It doesn't look like the artery was cut, but the cuts are really deep and bleeding heavily." he said, using his jacket to hold pressure on the worst of the wound.

"I need you to find something I can use as a tourniquet." said House, looking up at Cuddy who was still standing in the doorway, watching the scene.

House's words pulled her out of her daze and she tore her coat off, throwing on the floor with her purse as she went to the kitchen. She opened drawers until she found a long, thin, kitchen towel.

"Lisa!" she heard him call, sounding urgent.

"Coming!" she yelled back, turning and running to the living room.

When she got back she saw that House was no longer holding Genny's arm, he was doing CPR.

"She has no pulse and she's not breathing." said House, doing compressions.

"I'm calling." said Cuddy, tying the towel around Genny's arm and grabbing the phone.

She held pressure on Genny's arm and cradled the phone against her shoulder and ear.

"911, what is your emergency?" answered the operator.

"This is Dr. Lisa Cuddy, dean of medicine at PPTH. We need an ambulance at 1316 Hiller Rd., it's the fourth floor. There is a twenty three year old female in pulmonary and respiratory failure and she has multiple deep lacerations to her left forearm and wrist. We are administering CPR and holding pressure on the wounds…Thank you." said Cuddy, letting the phone fall from her shoulder to the floor.

"She had to have taken something. The alcohol and bleeding alone wouldn't cause heart failure, not like this, not this fast." said House, pausing to breathe for Genny again.

As the initial shock of the situation started to wear off, all Cuddy could do was sit there; holding her daughters arm tightly and look down at her. Her wide and glazed eyes were staring up at the vaulted ceiling, her ever paling face blank and lifeless. Cuddy finally started to cry when she heard the crack of a rib and there was no reaction from Genny. Her face stayed expressionless and there was no sense that she felt any pain.

Cuddy reached out her right hand, keeping her left tightly wrapped around Genny's, and touched Genny's face, she was still warm. She began to gently stroke Genny's hair as House continued CPR.

"Come on baby, you can make it. You can't leave yet, we have so much to talk about, to catch up on. You can't leave me. God damn it, Genevieve, I am your mother and you have to listen to your mother and do what she says! Now come on and take a breath! Please, baby, come on…hold on for me." Cuddy half cried and half yelled at her as the paramedics came through the door.

House moved back from Genny and picked up his cane as the paramedics started working on her. He moved around the huddled mass of bodies and pulled Cuddy away, giving the paramedics more room to work. He held her close to him as they stood there watching the team get Genny ready for transport. He should have felt scared, and sad, and anxious for Genny and Cuddy, but he didn't. Instead, all he could think about were the technicalities.

*She had to have taken something, how long ago had she taken it, what did she take. Was she aware of what was going on? What was going on in her head right now?*

* * *

As Genny was falling through the glass, she knew what was happening, and she wasn't scared. It was like time had slowed down for her. She heard her door being opened, but she couldn't move, she didn't want to. She stayed staring at the blank white ceiling, waiting for everything to finally end. It seemed like it took minutes for whoever had opened the door to find her, even though she knew it had only been seconds.

Her range of vision had somehow gotten wider, so even though she was staring up at the ceiling, she could make out someone coming towards her. She could hear him saying something, and then he was there. It was the doctor from the clinic, Dr. House, what was he doing here? She thought it strange that she would be thinking about why someone was here at this time. Still, as he yelled for someone to get something, she could feel her heart slowing.

It was coming, she wanted the darkness that would take her. She didn't want to have the pain and feelings of guilt and burden every day. She wanted it to end.

Genny could feel every little change in her chest as her heart slowed and then finally stopped. She knew it wasn't pumping anymore, and she felt strange, but she was still there. She could see her whole apartment now, she didn't have to breathe, and there wasn't any physical pain now. Yet, she was still seeing, and hearing, and had the emotional pain. It wasn't over yet.

She saw as another figure now came towards her, it was Dr. Cuddy. Again, she wondered to herself why she was here. She knew her body wasn't able to move, but it felt like she was turning her head when she looked from person to person, seeing quite clearly. She had wondered what it would be like to die. She had heard all of the sorties of bright lights, a floating feeling, looking down on your body.

It wasn't like any of those for her. She couldn't physically feel anything or move. It was like she was trapped inside her body, but she wasn't. She could see a complete three sixty view of her apartment, but she was still seeing the ceiling as well. Her experience of time was all screwed up too. Things seemed to move and happen in slow motion, yet when someone spoke or she heard something, it sounded normal. Some of her senses seemed to be heightened while others were gone completely. She wondered if this was happening because Dr. House was manually keeping her heart beating and breathing for her.

She wished that she could have told him to stop, or pushed him away. She wanted to be left alone to die. She heard Dr. Cuddy on the phone telling the operator her stats and tried to yell at her to stop, but nothing came out. Genny watched Dr. Cuddy as she let the phone fall to the floor. She had started crying and she looked quite upset. Genny wondered why she was having this kind of reaction. Dr. Cuddy was a doctor after all, she had to have been used to people dying. So why was she any different than any other patient? Genny heard a voice and focused, it was Dr. Cuddy.

As Genny listened, she got the answer to her question. *God damn it, Genevieve, I am your mother…* As she heard this, she didn't know what to think. All she could do was try and say that she was sorry, but she didn't want to stay. She wondered if Dr. Cuddy really could be her mother. If she was, Genny was truly sorry. She knew how much it hurt to loose a child, and she didn't want Dr. Cuddy to have to feel that way about her. Yet Genny didn't want to have to feel that pain every day either.

The paramedics had arrived now and had taken the places of Dr. House and Dr. Cuddy. She focused her sight back up to the ceiling and hoped that this would all be over soon. She suddenly felt immense pain, like she had been slammed into a concrete floor at twenty miles an hour. Then everything started to go black. She didn't know if it was just her eyes closing or if she was finally dying. She hoped for the latter, and then her consciousness was gone.

* * *

The paramedics had used the defibrillator and shocked Genny three times before her heart had started beating again. They placed an ET tube in Genny's airway so she could breathe and then loaded her onto the gurney. Her arm had been wrapped in a field bandage and they started to roll her out.

"Lisa, you go with Genny to the hospital. I'm gonna try and find what she took." said House.

"Are you sure?" asked Cuddy.

"Yeah, go." said House.

Cuddy picked up her purse and coat off the floor and followed the paramedics out of the building. House just stood in the one spot for a few moments, looking around at the now very trashed apartment. He could tell that it had been almost pristine before all of this occurred. He nudged the almost empty vodka bottle with his foot before bending over and picking it up. He looked at the clear liquid left in the bottle and then smelled it. He shrugged his shoulders before placing the bottle to his lips and swallowing the remaining contents.

With the now completely empty bottle in hand, House made his way into the kitchen. He found a waste basket looked trough it before throwing the bottle in. He then turned around and started opening drawers and cabinets. When he didn't find anything in the kitchen he moved on to the bathroom and then to the kitchen. After searching the entire apartment and not finding one pill bottle, he went to the last room, Genny's bedroom.

He looked under the bed first, then in the closet. He opened everything and looked everywhere, finally coming to the last drawer in her dresser. He opened it and scooted around some tops, finding a medium sized, wooden box under them. He pulled the box out and shut the drawer, limping to the bed and sitting on it's now untidy sheets.

The box was locked with a small padlock. House easily broke it off with the head of his cane. He threw the lock aside and opened the lid, finding not what he expected. He pulled the first piece of paper out and looked at it. It was a birth certificate for Leopold Nathaniel Gracen. In fact, everything in the box had to do with him. It was the only thing in the entire apartment that gave any clue to Genny ever having a child. House looked through the box quickly, not finding anything of use and then shut it. He left the apartment with the box, and took one last look in the dumpster outside for any kind of pill bottles, before driving Cuddy's car back to the hospital.

* * *

**PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING STATEMENT:**

**Departing Note:** Ok, so I am going to write two chapter sixes...one that is more sad, and one that isn't quite as sad. That way you have a choice (I'll tell you which is which), plus, for one of the choices I have a sequel in mind. I don't know when or if I'll even write it...but it is in there. I have other stories to update and finish first and I'm moving soon. My life is a little jumbled and busy right now…so give me a break. Please let me know if there is an interest in this kind of genre. Thank you for taking a chance on me (no pun intended) and reading, truly.


End file.
